5 Tips for Whole Interpersonal Relationships + Community Building

Reconnecting with yourself and seeking common ground with others is a source of peace in your life and the world. You may find Unity in the flash of a moment or a lifelong commitment. It may be smiling with a stranger in the park, sharing a meal with a loved one, activating for a cause, or having a quiet moment at home. Honor the connections and shared purpose you discover by being fully present.

Unity means to be united or one as a whole. Sometimes it references being joined nationally like the United Nations. But it also encompasses being connected by a common purpose or with a particular sentiment. In these examples, shared attitudes give you a sense of connectedness, fellowship, or belonging… also known as a community! These feelings are one of humanity's most, if not the most, powerful drivers. Humans live, move, gather insight, and find peace by being a part of the greater whole. We're stronger that way!

In today's world, a community goes far beyond the streets that define your neighborhood or the walls of your favorite hangout. Communities form and dissolve daily with our rapid ability to share our feelings and connect with like-minds and hearts — virtually and in person.

Before you dive into setting an intention around Unity, it's wise to note that there are so many opportunities to find common ground and connect with others that it's easy to feel over-connected! After all, it's our nature to find this sense of belonging. If your connection with others feels like it's pulling you apart, we invite you to take a pause and re-unite with your feelings and energy. When you're off center, you lose your balance and can misplace your precious resources. If you spend too much time with people and causes that aren't aligned with your values or greater purpose you can slowly (and often unknowingly) drain your energy and dim your light.

Feeling conflicted or pulled in a million directions? It's time to check in with yourself and get centered on what matters the most to you. When you feel whole as an individual, you're prepared to discover others who share your interests in life and build relationships that are true and meaningful. And these interpersonal relationships are critical to your wellbeing, according to a recent study by the University of Houston that showed the mental health effects of the pandemic. Extensive research documents how healthy relationships and community can extend your life, increase your ability to deal with stress, lower rates of depression, and improve heart health.

Therefore, if you want to live a longer, happier, healthier life, please read on to learn some practices to nurture your interpersonal relationships and form healthy bonds with others.

If you'd like to get started by strengthening your ability to tap into the present moment, take a peek at these simple, quick activities.

1. Empower Yourself with a Sense of Purpose

It makes sense that if Unity and being a part of a community is about coming together as a whole, you must first consider that you are a vital part of the whole! To do this, acknowledge your value as a human - whether you're feeling vibrant or dim – you're a remarkable gift to this world and any community that aligns with your passions and beliefs. Even in friendships, one of the most important contributions you can make is simply being there. Too often, we overthink what is required of us to be a meaningful part of a relationship or group. Start by showing up with an open heart and a willingness to see and feel other ways your presence can bring value to the community or person. This openness is a beautiful way to discover new talents and gifts while helping others along their journey.

As you recognize you are an essential part of the whole, you can develop new levels of kinship and trust. In a strong community, all work and contributions are valued, and you have room and the trust of others to grow and share your talents.

2. Create Space for Mutual Sharing

Listening, being kind, and finding unique ways to be helpful to an individual or group are excellent ways to create healthy bonds. There's another critical ingredient to infusing your life with a healthy, loving community and friends. As you work toward developing new relationships or building more meaningful connections, we encourage you to consider a balance in sharing. You may be a remarkable listener, but to complete the circle, you must also be willing to share your experiences, emotions, and ideas. Psychologists call this process self-disclosure and attribute it to deepening intimacy. Like a see-saw moves up and down on its fulcrum, sharing within a healthy relationship finds this same give and take.

Just as a balance is required when you're learning about someone else and sharing yourself, it's also important to consider how much you share and at what point.

For some of us, sharing may be very easy - maybe even so easy that we tend to share too much information too soon. It is a beautiful gift to share your heart freely and openly, and it's equally important to share in a cadence that your new friend or group can lovingly process. For example, imagine you're at a new friend's place for dinner. Your host immediately places all your favorite foods in front of you all at once. Dream, right?! Well...what if they're all on one plate that is jumbled together (chocolate ice cream, roasted Brussel sprouts, and gorgonzola cheese), and there's just so much that it's spilling off the plate. And, worst of all, in your host's eagerness to serve you this supposedly delicious meal, they forget to provide you with utensils or a napkin…. But you can tell they really want to make you happy, so you smile, nod, and say thank you. So next time you're diving into a story and then another story and then your last emotional trauma… take a deep breath. Allow some breathing room for your conversation partner(s) and get a sense of how the see-saw is moving. Have you been up or down too long? Balance it out with curiosity and a thoughtful question.

On the flip side, if you find that your see-saw is tilting the other way and you haven't shared much about your life, take a moment to reflect on what might be causing this block and explore what details about your experience feel comfortable or relevant to share. Allowing others to know more about you helps build trust and context for who you are and how they can be a valuable part of your life. Though opening up may be difficult for some of us or during certain periods, it's important that you find a balance that feels good for where you are in the relationship. Sharing yourself is a way of showing that you also trust and care for them.

In a community or at a collective level, sharing is also a critical way of deepening relationships, and it is also how the group accumulates collective knowledge. The entire community benefits when many individuals voice their views, experiences, and expertise. As this pool of information grows, members can better work together to solve problems and support each other on their journey.

3. Listen With Your Whole Self

  Interpersonal relationships develop with anyone in your life that you see or talk with regularly. So healthy relationships with your close connections (family members, romantic relationships, and close friends) and less familiar contacts (acquaintances and neighbors) are essential to your wellbeing. According to findings from a review of a large body of related research studies, these relationships have the power to impact your physical health and the length of your life In the review, they found evidence that low social interaction is twice as detrimental to your health as being overweight and that loneliness can have as much of a negative impact as smoking.

This practice reminds us of the positive physical impact of each healthy relationship we nurture. Start by noticing how you listen to others. You might notice that you can feel how they are feeling. Maybe you get excited and reflect back on their energy or, in the case of sad news, tears well up in your own eyes. There may be other times when you catch yourself trying to complete their sentence or interrupt with a related thought or response that just popped into your mind. The most important thing is to notice and shift yourself back into fully paying attention, listening without your own bias or assumptions filling the space.

When you listen with your whole self, you hear the full story, the whole human before you. This level of connection builds trust between you and is the root of all health-boosting, life-force-giving relationships. Deepen your understanding and grow from this connection by engaging fully. Consider reflecting on what they've shared with you after they finished a thought, asking open questions, and relating to their story in a nonjudgemental way. The technical term for this is active listening. It is an incredible tool for deepening your understanding and connection with others on your path.

4. Turn Love Into a Verb

While listening with your whole self is the root of meaningful connections, sharing experiences and creating memories is the lifeblood of relationships. Whether it's a new group you've just joined or a dear old pal, you can bring more life and depth into that relationship by shifting your mindset to love. Specifically, love in action! This can take on many forms, but in its simplest state, it's about finding something to do for or with the individuals or community you value. It could be baking cookies for the next meetup as a surprise or seeing if your mom would like a shoulder rub next time you visit. It might also be keeping a record of when everyone's birthday is in a group and getting the group to join in a 🎵 round of happy birthday. Showing gratitude through action and creating these shared moments builds relationships and community.

These kind acts deepen your shared experiences, and scientists have found that when you are kind to others, you're more likely to do loving things for yourself - like eating a healthy diet or heading out for a jog more regularly.

5. Be Respectful

Our final practice for deepening your interpersonal relationships and connecting fully with yourself and others encompasses the techniques mentioned so far. It's pretty obvious that to cultivate relationships that support your wellbeing, you need to be respectful in your contributions, listening, actions, and sharing. We offer this as a top practice because sometimes we confuse respect with compliance. Strong relationships are forged by individuals who share a common ground engaging in much of what we've shared so far. And, just because there is a shared purpose or interests between two individuals or an entire group does not mean that everyone agrees upon everything!

Nodding and smiling about something or agreeing with someone because you want to be "in" is not being respectful of yourself or the individuals in your community. When you fail to express your truth respectfully and consider everyone's feelings, you are doing your community a disservice. Your opinion and perspective are essential to the whole - remember, that's what Unity is about. Parts come together to make a whole. Without you being your true self, there is a missing part of the whole.

Of course, when you express your disagreement or a different point of view, it's even more critical that you are kind, listen deeply, and acknowledge their perspective, emotions, opinions, and time. And, if expressing your thoughts respectfully is met with contentiousness or disrespect, it's likely time to reset your boundaries or explore whether this relationship or community is aligned with who you are.

Having a relationship with someone who can openly and lovingly disagree with you is a remarkable gift. These are likely the most difficult conversations and moments, but they yield some of the most potent results. So show respect to yourself and others by deeply honoring the importance of your diversity and each other as humans.

Final Thoughts on Developing Whole Interpersonal Relationships and Community Building

Incorporate as many suggestions in the list above into your life. You may find some of the practices easier than others and others you may already be doing. The key is to stay on your path. With each small (or big!) practice, you'll notice the depth and meaning of your relationships grow as you walk an inspired and luminous path!

Hello, #BrighterBeing! Interested in exploring more? Because we’re all about reminders here at LumenKind, we make handy guides and tools to support you in taking action on these insights. And, we hope you'll join us on the journey with monthly insights, suggested intentions, and mindfulness tips. 

Related: Discover your Power Planet 🪐

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