Be Kindhearted - 6 Practices to Help Develop Your Empathetic Skills

As the etymological roots of the word humankind suggest, being kindhearted is part of how we define ourselves as a species. Kindness is love in action, and these sparks of generosity illuminate the world. When you are thoughtful and caring, you elevate the most magnificent version of yourself, awaken the goodness in others, and nurture your relationship with yourself and others.

Most of us likely agree that being kind is a good thing, but where does it come from? Why are some people just so dang nice while the actions or responses of others fall short? The simple answer is that kindness is rooted in openness, understanding, and empathy. We are born with the capacity for kindhearted-ness, but we all still have to work on incorporating more of it into our lives.

If you'd like to get started by strengthening your ability to tap into the present moment, take a peek at these simple, quick activities.

1. Read Some Good Fiction

Because empathy is at the heart of your kindness, finding creative practices to better relate to others helps illuminate the Human-Kindest version of yourself.

When you live into someone else's story – even a fictional someone – you are strengthening your empathy muscle. According to researchers, fiction readers feel like they are living in the fictional narrative. For example, one study found that participants who read Harry Potter identified as wizards while those who read Twilight self-identified as vampires. Because books are written through the lens of the characters, you have a glimpse into their inner thinking. This unique internal perspective doesn't exist in the real world, where a person's thoughts, motivations, and viewpoints are private.

The implications of this study and the impact of this practice show that as a fellow human, you do have the ability to more deeply understand and empathize with others (any type, anywhere!) if you give your mind space to connect emotionally.

2. Maintain a Mindfulness Practice

  A regular mindfulness meditation practice is central to cultivating loving kindness toward yourself and others.

The gift of mindfulness is its ability to help you shift your perspective from subjective to objective. Regular meditation or pauses for present-moment awareness strengthen your ability to see the world and your fellow human beings for who they are. With a subjective lens, you view the world through your life experience (egoic) rather than as an unbiased observer. Studies demonstrate that mindfulness can alter your perception of someone and how you relate to them.

3. Slip on the Shoes of Others

 When you step into someone else's shoes and imagine what life might be like for them, acting with kindness comes more naturally. There is more room for understanding life from their perspective when your mind is clear of assumptions and your own beliefs.

Interestingly, we are biologically made to feel for others. Specific neurons in your brain cause us to physically and emotionally feel what we see another person experience. For instance, when watching an athlete in their final burst before winning, your heart races, or you watch someone get injured, your face and body respond immediately with an "ouch" feeling. These are more dramatic examples of the effect of "Mirror Neurons." And, in your day-to-day life, Mirror Neurons are a biological boost for up-leveling your kind factor because you also can feel someone else's emotions when they are shared with you. This gives you deeper insight that may help you figure out how to be helpful. So, you are wired to be empathetic, and with awareness and intentionality, you can use these natural gifts to be a kind, compassionate person.

Being kind to others sometimes comes more naturally than being gentle with yourself. However, the same concept applies. Instead of putting yourself in someone else's shoes, take yourself out of your own shoes. Step back mentally and emotionally to see the whole picture of what's going on in your life and respond as you would to a dear friend. When you put your life into perspective, it also becomes more natural to be kind to yourself.

4. Examine Your Biases

 One of the biggest challenges to listening and connecting is clogged ears - and we're not talking about earwax! A part of being human is having biases. We all have them in some form, and they often keep us from hearing the whole truth and more deeply understanding someone else. These usually are things you can see like age, race, and gender, but they can also be tied to what someone has or hasn't experienced in life.

Some of our biases are more obvious. In this case, you know that you have a specific negative emotion around a particular type of person or behavior. What comes to mind for you? Give yourself a moment to think through what might be at the root of your feelings…and then ask yourself why a few more times as a devil's advocate. The point here isn't to make your thoughts/feelings vanish. It's to start to bring more awareness so that you can be more conscious when a situation arises where this bias may impact your ability to see or hear clearly.

When you bring your biases to light, you make way for an increase in empathy and more opportunities for kindness, and a brighter path.

5. Consider Varying Points of View

This practice is for you if you're ready to step up your kindness level. Whether at work or in your neighborhood, you may be more inclined to spend time with people like you. It's easier and more comfortable to build a relationship with someone with whom you share a lot in common. And those relationships can be very supportive and meaningful. However, when you reach beyond your sphere, you have the opportunity to both build a new, positive relationship AND expand your empathy. Getting to know someone with a different perspective from yours challenges any sticky or budding biases and stereotypes you may have.

This proactive outreach may be a friendly gesture, or it may feel more reactive if an issue arises from a differing opinion. However, the opportunity to grow and expand yourself is even greater if it's later. Set a curiosity-oriented mindset and let go of judgment while you ask questions to better understand their position. This practice is ideal if you've found someone else who is equally (or at least somewhat) also engaged in seeking to understand. The simple practice of asking questions and listening helps reveal the world more fully and may open your heart to sharing more moments of kindness.

6. Go for Intentional Acts of Kindness

"Random Acts of Kindness" gets an upgrade with this practice. There are many ways to deepen and expand your kindness into the world - with loved ones and strangers alike. Kindness may appear as tiny random acts, but truthfully, it is a way of being.

Proactively seek opportunities to be kind to yourself or others in tiny and thoughtful ways. It could be as simple as pausing in front of a mirror and acknowledging something in you that deserves a little pat on the back. That's kind. And it can also be as generous as picking up lunch for a coworker that you think would appreciate the gift.

The shift here is that you choose to find openings for a little extra kindness to emerge. Empathy is an excellent guide for where your goodness may land. And, as with any gift, acting with compassion is a gift to you. No reciprocation is needed.

Final Thoughts on Being Kindhearted and Developing your Empathetic Skills

A related topic for you to consider as you begin to expand your kindness toward others is boundaries. Being there for someone to understand and support is only supportive as long as you keep a clear line between their emotions/experience and yours. Holding on to what some else may be feeling for too long can dim your light. This means you’ll have less energy for helping them or yourself.

We hope you’ll Incorporate as many suggestions in the list above into your life. You may find some the practices easier than others and others you may already be doing. The key is to stay on your path. With each small practice, you'll notice your kindness expand, and your life shine more brightly!

Hello, #BrighterBeing! Interested in exploring more? Because we’re all about reminders here at LumenKind, we make handy guides and tools to support you in taking action on these insights. And, we hope you'll join us on the journey with monthly insights, suggested intentions, and mindfulness tips. 

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